I received the gift of parenthood years before I earned my therapy degrees and licenses.  It’s hard to be a therapist who works with children and parents, without reflecting upon my own experiences.  “If I had only known” what I know now, but I suppose that comes to all parents. I know I would have sat down and read even more books with them. I would have made sure that playtime and making art together were as important as meals together and bedtime routines. 

I enjoy providing therapy for elementary school-aged children, and their parents. I work mainly with children who are struggling with anxiety. For me, as I sit on the floor across from an elementary school-aged boy or girl, a small gesture or something they share will take me back. When a child tells me something, I hear it through ears that are more interested in understanding than anything else.  I wish as a parent I would have listened and observed more to understand. Really just looked into my kids’ eyes more, and savored all their amazingness, and also the fear they sometimes felt. 

It's easy to get caught up in your own fear as a parent.

When children have outbursts or moments of refusal due to their fear, it can be very triggering as a parent. You might start thinking, “Am I doing it right? Are people judging me as a parent?  What if my kids don’t learn how to manage their anxiety?”.

The most natural thing when a child is in distress is to help them, to assist them in some way. That help often comes in the form of information, advice, and solutions.  While children may need your information, they first need to feel connected to you.  I don’t know the origin of the idea, but these words have always stuck with me, “Connect before your correct”.  However, it seems for many parents and other adults it’s easier to correct or try to “fix” a child, and then try to connect with them. 

Encouragement for parents

In all the difficulties of being a parent, it’s hard to know what to focus on. Children need structure and stability, to learn right from wrong, but they also need fun, laughter, and lots of hugs. It's a tall order and most of the parents I have worked with over the years do the very best job they can to fill it.

In the early 2000s, schools would hand out “packets” of flyers and paper newsletters.  One such pink newsletter contained a poem that I cut out, and until very recently was a fixture on our refrigerator.  It helped me over the years to try and focus on being in the moment with my own children.  Below is a copy of the poem by Diana Loomas for you to hold on to and share. 

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I hope this blog encouraged you and that the poem spoke to you as a parent.  I hope more than anything you will give yourself permission to slow down and be with your children more in the happy, fun moments. In the moments that will be gone before you know it.

If you are looking for Child Therapy in San Diego North County to help your child with anxiety, I provide in-person therapy in San Marcos. You can read more about how I can help here. 

Click here to visit my contact page where you can check my availability, and/or book a free, phone consultation.

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Tami