A San Diego Child Therapist dispels three myths about Grief Counseling for kids.
You’ve lost someone you dearly loved. Yet, life in sunny San Diego County happily continues. Year-round, vacationers and residents travel throughout the county doing all the fun things that make living here so great.
As you grieve though, fun things feel meaningless. You watch your children, who are also going through this loss. Sometimes they are playing like nothing has changed. At other times they’re not themselves and you know they’ve been impacted.
Now you’re wondering about grief counseling for yourself or your child. I want to acknowledge how hard it may have been for you to even pull up a search about this topic. I get how challenging it is to sort through all the information about grief counseling and child therapy.
What is Grief Counseling anyway?
Grief counseling is therapy. A bereaved person goes to therapy sessions and meets with a licensed mental health provider. Sometimes people meet with a supervised intern who is working toward licensing. This therapist or grief counselor has a master's degree in psychology and training in grief and loss issues.
As you attend weekly sessions, the grief counselor can assess how you’re adapting to the loss over time. Some people experience a more complicated grieving process. This can be due to the nature of the relationship or circumstances surrounding the death. Negative coping patterns can also complicate grief.
While grieving is part of life as humans, it's common in today’s society to live far from family. Some people lack a community of people to support them through a loss. This is one way Grief Counseling can support an individual or family after a death.
How is Grief Counseling for Kids different?
Children’s grief counseling is very similar to adult grief counseling, with at least one exception. Therapy for kids is often provided by counselors with specialized training and experience with children. They don’t simply talk and listen to your child, but they offer play and art experiences. They may have titles such as child therapists, play therapists, child & family therapists, or child psychologists.
Myths about Grief Counseling for Kids
As a child therapist, I’ve worked with many grieving kids and adults in San Diego during and after my work with hospice organizations. I have run into a few myths that I want to share with you, especially if you’re a parent wondering if counseling could help your child with their grief.
Myth 1. Your child cannot integrate their loss without the help of a therapist.
The fact is, death is a part of life. Experiencing the death of someone we know and love is a painful reality of life. And most people make a healthy adaption to a loss, though the process takes time and it’s not easy. However, grief is not a mental health disorder and the emotions felt are not pathological.
That being said, some children may need the extra support of grief counseling. Some factors that increase the need for child therapy to consider are:
A lack of a strong support system
Pre-existing anxiety or other mental health issues
Unexpected death involving traumatic circumstances
Myth 2. Grieving Children will get over the Loss in Counseling.
No amount of counseling or therapy will help any adult or child just “get over” a loss. People don’t get over losses. They tend to always remember that person, and how they died. As children enter new developmental stages and cross milestones their loss may feel fresh again. Not as tender, but still painful. A loved one’s absence will be felt throughout your child’s lifetime.
Here are some things that grief counseling can do:
Help your child adapt and integrate the loss into the whole of their life
Learn to cope with the big emotions they may be struggling with
Provide a place where your child begins to approach the loss through art and play, especially if they’re quieter
More talkative children may open up, and talk about the circumstances of the death, and the feelings they have about it.
Myth Number 3: Kids never need therapy or grief counseling
Why would a kid need therapy anyway? Grief counseling is not essential for most people to get through the grieving process, yet some kids (and adults) really do need some extra support. Some children avoid talking about or remembering the person. Others may demonstrate an increase in emotionality.
So, how do you know if your elementary school child needs help? Early in grief, you can expect to see some changes in your children. If the death was traumatic in nature, you may see more acute stress reaction symptoms. Here are a few things you may notice. If they persist past a month, your child may benefit from therapy.
Recurring nightmares about the death
Struggling to pay attention or concentrate in school
Changes in sleep patterns, unable to fall asleep anymore
Angry outbursts that are uncharacteristic of your child
Lots of negative emotions, with an absence of positive ones
Free Consultation for Grief Counseling in San Diego
If you’re seeing signs of a stress reaction in your child, and it’s not getting better, please reach out to a child therapist. Most therapists offer free phone consultations to talk about what’s going on and to discuss if therapy is appropriate for your child.
I’m a child therapist in San Diego North County. As a Registered Art Therapist, I often use art-making with grieving children. To learn more about the grief counseling I provide for children, click here. To check my availability and to book a free, 15 phone consultation click here.